Friday, 16 June 1989 2:43 P

I got back 10 minutes ago from picking up Tony & Addie. I said Joey could come along since Tony’s his friend, but I’m not sure I’ll let him come next time. I’ve had my license for 13 months now, but I’ve only driven a few times until recently, when I was elected to pick up the Elkos’ kids from camp. I used to be real uneasy about driving, but after picking up Addie the first day (2 days ago) by myself without an adult in the seat next to me, I feel much more confident. Angie, Barbara, & Bob are leaving right now for Payless because Angie went & bought a pair of shoes with 2 different sizes. I’m babysitting Sarah who’s taking her nap. Tomorrow me & Angie are going to help serve drinks & things at a wedding with Angie’s friend Ashley. The wedding is for someone we’ve never met, the daughter of our bus driver. Darlene, the bus driver, asked us 3 at the end of the school year.

3:06 P

Have you ever read the ‘Novels of the Month’ in the Good Housekeeping magazine? I think they’re good! I used to read them almost every day the last 2 summers while I was babysitting for Jordan. He would be gone almost the whole time, so I’d have hours to myself & cable got boring sometimes. I made a couple stupid mistakes while babysitting for him since he’s only a few years younger & I’m very influential. Sometimes I hate being influential, but hopefully I’m improving. I used to be very stubborn, according to my father. I remember him telling me I was as stubborn as a mule when I was in 5th & 6th grade. I was a terrible tomboy until around 9th grade. Practically my best friends were my brother Joey & my cousin Ricky. We would climb trees, go on hikes, & bother my sisters & female cousins. It seems to amaze my aunts how much I’ve changed.

3:18 P

I used to be a really ugly kid. I looked like a boy, had those big dark-brown freckles all over my face, and got ugly brown glasses when I was about 9 years old. For this reason, along with the facts that our family was poor and we moved every two years, I was picked on a lot by kids. I don’t remember it bothering me too much, because I used to spend a lot of my time by myself. I’d play games pretending I had friends with me if I felt like it, usually boy friends. I played a lot of Barbies, but what I really liked were little inch-tall to 2-inch figurines. I loved building little homes and imagining what it would be like to be them and sleep in a little cave made by a bump in a blanket. I treated them like they were alive, making sure they weren’t alone before I went to bed. It was the same way with my dolls. Me & Angie would take our dolls and give them complete care treatments: shampooing & conditioning their hair; blow-drying it; curling, styling, & sometimes trimming their hair; massaging their bodies & putting lotions & powders on them; sometimes doing their faces & nails; and dressing them in their most stylish clothes. The whole time we did this, we pretended we were a beauty salon and took turns bringing our children in so they would look good before their concerts or appearances on TV. We would talk to them while we massaged, listening to them chatter enthusiastically about day-care & how they’re geniuses at the ages of 2 and 3. My favorite doll, Timmy, was the only boy doll I had. He was like my real baby. I loved him. I remember one fourth of July when my family were going to go to Lincoln Park to see the fireworks. I told Timmy & I knew he really wanted to go. It would be a terrible thing to make him stay home and besides, I felt I would have more fun if I shared the thrill of watching colorful lights explode in the black sky with him. I must’ve been about 13 at the time, so I hid him in my coat and let him peek out to watch the world go by as we drove to the park. I think the most thrilling part was being the only person to know he was there. It was like we were the only two people there as I turned to him and asked him if he was having fun. Even though it was my voice that answered me, it didn’t make him seem any less real. We shared a lot of intimate moments like that one. I kissed him goodbye and told him to be careful of strangers when I went somewhere. Of course, I would do the same with my other dolls, but he was always my favorite. I can’t remember exactly what happened to him, but I remember somehow he was chewed up by my dog. I felt terrible about leaving him outside. I’m not sure what I did with the remains. Maybe they got mixed in our garbage and were burned. When I was younger, like in 3rd grade, I used to carry a couple of my little figurines with me almost everywhere I went. I would take them on bike-rides & walks. I used to pretend I had found them and was the only human they could trust. I had to keep them hidden at all times from other people because they would put them in the circus or something. I loved finding different figurines amongst the piled-up clutter called our playroom. And I loved finding furniture for them so I could build them a terrific home on the stairs, under the coffee table, or amongst the books in the book shelves. I had toilets, bridges, beds, stoves, drawers, even some dishes and food. What we didn’t have, we made with blocks, kleenexes, and pictures from magazines to glue against the walls of some of our homemade cardboard-box houses. Often I’d play with Angie. One time, when we’d collected a very impressingly large amount of figurines & furniture, we were climbing around in our cluttered garage and came across a display for Timex Watches. It was round, had 4 or 5 shelves, and was protected by a clear plastic shield that went all the way around it. There was a door in the clear shield, so people could put the watches on the shelves. The best part was that when we plugged it in, it lit up and slowly began to revolve around, so people could view the watches better. We knew it must’ve came from our mom’s store, which she had while we lived in Oaktown. We only lived there 2 years, so it was very temporary. Anyway, me & Angie took the display to a work table & cleared a space for it. We plugged it in and, as it revolved, we built a house with 4 stories. Each floor had walls and a ceiling, and was lit! When we got all the furniture in it, it looked magical. It was enough to make anyone wish they were tiny just so they could live there. As the rooms slowly revolved, it was like peeping through someone’s living room window on Christmas night when everything is homey and you can sense peace in the air. Of course, to keep up interest, we would often redecorate our dream home, putting the bathroom with its tub, sink, and toilet on the ground floor or give Megan the lounge chair for her bedroom instead of Tommy. I don’t remember when we stopped playing with it or where it is. Perhaps it’s still buried in the garage somewhere. And we no longer have that gigantic cardboard box in the playroom filled with tiny toys, each with its own adventures, each with its own tale to tell. In fact, the playroom is now a laundry & storage room, without any toys in it. I don’t even know where all our magnificent figurines and their little pieces of furniture went to.

4:58 P

Now I’m 17 & 1/2, and am thinking about the college I’m going to go to. I take the valuable & advanced classes in school and have plans to go to Spain next summer. I’m selling candy bars in school next year, as I did at the end of this year, to raise money for the trip. When I first started out writing about my childhood a few pages ago, it was with the intent to explain a little why I am the way I am, but I got a bit nostalgic – as I often do – and started reminiscing. Because I spent so much time by myself as a kid, I consider myself self-centered and inconsiderate. I am often in my own world, talking to myself in my head.

I just got done dialling for 5 minutes, trying to reach a local radio station to answer a trivia question. The question was: What kind of food substance was invented 99 years ago as a protein source for elderly people who couldn’t chew meat? The answer was: peanut butter. I knew the answer, but I couldn’t get in in time because Barbara & Bob’s phone is strange & it doesn’t have an automatic ‘redial’ button like ours does. And I could’ve gotten a free dinner at a good restaurant, too.

5:48 P

Sarah woke up from her nap a little while ago. Her diaper had leaked, & there was poop on her sheet. Oops! Sarah just sprayed 3 decks of cards all over the floor. Now I’m sorting them out to see if they’re all here.