Friday, 16 June 1989 2:43 P

I got back 10 minutes ago from picking up Tony & Addie. I said Joey could come along since Tony’s his friend, but I’m not sure I’ll let him come next time. I’ve had my license for 13 months now, but I’ve only driven a few times until recently, when I was elected to pick up the Elkos’ kids from camp. I used to be real uneasy about driving, but after picking up Addie the first day (2 days ago) by myself without an adult in the seat next to me, I feel much more confident. Angie, Barbara, & Bob are leaving right now for Payless because Angie went & bought a pair of shoes with 2 different sizes. I’m babysitting Sarah who’s taking her nap. Tomorrow me & Angie are going to help serve drinks & things at a wedding with Angie’s friend Ashley. The wedding is for someone we’ve never met, the daughter of our bus driver. Darlene, the bus driver, asked us 3 at the end of the school year.

3:06 P

Have you ever read the ‘Novels of the Month’ in the Good Housekeeping magazine? I think they’re good! I used to read them almost every day the last 2 summers while I was babysitting for Jordan. He would be gone almost the whole time, so I’d have hours to myself & cable got boring sometimes. I made a couple stupid mistakes while babysitting for him since he’s only a few years younger & I’m very influential. Sometimes I hate being influential, but hopefully I’m improving. I used to be very stubborn, according to my father. I remember him telling me I was as stubborn as a mule when I was in 5th & 6th grade. I was a terrible tomboy until around 9th grade. Practically my best friends were my brother Joey & my cousin Ricky. We would climb trees, go on hikes, & bother my sisters & female cousins. It seems to amaze my aunts how much I’ve changed.

3:18 P

I used to be a really ugly kid. I looked like a boy, had those big dark-brown freckles all over my face, and got ugly brown glasses when I was about 9 years old. For this reason, along with the facts that our family was poor and we moved every two years, I was picked on a lot by kids. I don’t remember it bothering me too much, because I used to spend a lot of my time by myself. I’d play games pretending I had friends with me if I felt like it, usually boy friends. I played a lot of Barbies, but what I really liked were little inch-tall to 2-inch figurines. I loved building little homes and imagining what it would be like to be them and sleep in a little cave made by a bump in a blanket. I treated them like they were alive, making sure they weren’t alone before I went to bed. It was the same way with my dolls. Me & Angie would take our dolls and give them complete care treatments: shampooing & conditioning their hair; blow-drying it; curling, styling, & sometimes trimming their hair; massaging their bodies & putting lotions & powders on them; sometimes doing their faces & nails; and dressing them in their most stylish clothes. The whole time we did this, we pretended we were a beauty salon and took turns bringing our children in so they would look good before their concerts or appearances on TV. We would talk to them while we massaged, listening to them chatter enthusiastically about day-care & how they’re geniuses at the ages of 2 and 3. My favorite doll, Timmy, was the only boy doll I had. He was like my real baby. I loved him. I remember one fourth of July when my family were going to go to Lincoln Park to see the fireworks. I told Timmy & I knew he really wanted to go. It would be a terrible thing to make him stay home and besides, I felt I would have more fun if I shared the thrill of watching colorful lights explode in the black sky with him. I must’ve been about 13 at the time, so I hid him in my coat and let him peek out to watch the world go by as we drove to the park. I think the most thrilling part was being the only person to know he was there. It was like we were the only two people there as I turned to him and asked him if he was having fun. Even though it was my voice that answered me, it didn’t make him seem any less real. We shared a lot of intimate moments like that one. I kissed him goodbye and told him to be careful of strangers when I went somewhere. Of course, I would do the same with my other dolls, but he was always my favorite. I can’t remember exactly what happened to him, but I remember somehow he was chewed up by my dog. I felt terrible about leaving him outside. I’m not sure what I did with the remains. Maybe they got mixed in our garbage and were burned. When I was younger, like in 3rd grade, I used to carry a couple of my little figurines with me almost everywhere I went. I would take them on bike-rides & walks. I used to pretend I had found them and was the only human they could trust. I had to keep them hidden at all times from other people because they would put them in the circus or something. I loved finding different figurines amongst the piled-up clutter called our playroom. And I loved finding furniture for them so I could build them a terrific home on the stairs, under the coffee table, or amongst the books in the book shelves. I had toilets, bridges, beds, stoves, drawers, even some dishes and food. What we didn’t have, we made with blocks, kleenexes, and pictures from magazines to glue against the walls of some of our homemade cardboard-box houses. Often I’d play with Angie. One time, when we’d collected a very impressingly large amount of figurines & furniture, we were climbing around in our cluttered garage and came across a display for Timex Watches. It was round, had 4 or 5 shelves, and was protected by a clear plastic shield that went all the way around it. There was a door in the clear shield, so people could put the watches on the shelves. The best part was that when we plugged it in, it lit up and slowly began to revolve around, so people could view the watches better. We knew it must’ve came from our mom’s store, which she had while we lived in Oaktown. We only lived there 2 years, so it was very temporary. Anyway, me & Angie took the display to a work table & cleared a space for it. We plugged it in and, as it revolved, we built a house with 4 stories. Each floor had walls and a ceiling, and was lit! When we got all the furniture in it, it looked magical. It was enough to make anyone wish they were tiny just so they could live there. As the rooms slowly revolved, it was like peeping through someone’s living room window on Christmas night when everything is homey and you can sense peace in the air. Of course, to keep up interest, we would often redecorate our dream home, putting the bathroom with its tub, sink, and toilet on the ground floor or give Megan the lounge chair for her bedroom instead of Tommy. I don’t remember when we stopped playing with it or where it is. Perhaps it’s still buried in the garage somewhere. And we no longer have that gigantic cardboard box in the playroom filled with tiny toys, each with its own adventures, each with its own tale to tell. In fact, the playroom is now a laundry & storage room, without any toys in it. I don’t even know where all our magnificent figurines and their little pieces of furniture went to.

4:58 P

Now I’m 17 & 1/2, and am thinking about the college I’m going to go to. I take the valuable & advanced classes in school and have plans to go to Spain next summer. I’m selling candy bars in school next year, as I did at the end of this year, to raise money for the trip. When I first started out writing about my childhood a few pages ago, it was with the intent to explain a little why I am the way I am, but I got a bit nostalgic – as I often do – and started reminiscing. Because I spent so much time by myself as a kid, I consider myself self-centered and inconsiderate. I am often in my own world, talking to myself in my head.

I just got done dialling for 5 minutes, trying to reach a local radio station to answer a trivia question. The question was: What kind of food substance was invented 99 years ago as a protein source for elderly people who couldn’t chew meat? The answer was: peanut butter. I knew the answer, but I couldn’t get in in time because Barbara & Bob’s phone is strange & it doesn’t have an automatic ‘redial’ button like ours does. And I could’ve gotten a free dinner at a good restaurant, too.

5:48 P

Sarah woke up from her nap a little while ago. Her diaper had leaked, & there was poop on her sheet. Oops! Sarah just sprayed 3 decks of cards all over the floor. Now I’m sorting them out to see if they’re all here.

1 January 1989

Jolie

Pets: Nurse (cat) & McKensie (dog)
Age: 17
Mother: Jeanne
Father: (Joseph Alan II) Died 3 yrs. ago in 1985 of lung cancer from smoking; was about 45
Sisters: Barbara, 27; Debbie, 19; Angie, 14; Susie, 9.
Brothers: Jack, 26; Jarrett, 24?; Jeff, 21?; Joey (Joseph Alan III), 13.
Brother-in-law: Bob, 30
Niece: Sarah Elizabeth, 19 mos.

Description: Female (of course), average height, light complexion, glasses, long dark brown hair (sort of wavy), fading freckles, greenish & bluish eyes, father’s nose (small bump on top), okay figure, bow-legged, thin, tiny chip in front tooth, slight indent in right (my point of view) ear lobe, long thin fingers, slight curvature of back.

Monday, 18 April 1988

The funny thing is, McKensie’s puppy, the one I get to name, looks just like my stuffed puppy! By the way, on Friday after school Jack & Jarrett came down in Jack’s black Trans-Am. They stayed until yesterday. Jarrett left early w/ the car (he probably had work) and Jack took his motorcycle later in the day. Barbara, Bob, & Sarah went up to Bob’s dad’s because his sister just got back from Hawaii and his brother just got back from England. His sister was in the navy and his brother in the air force. Just so you don’t forget, my dad died of cancer (smoking) 2 1/2 years ago.

 

25 March 1988: a speech

Smoking

How many of you have ever tried smoking? I have for the first time when I was in the first grade. Although smoking never became a habit for me, many kids do get hooked. When a survey was taken among high school kids that smoked, it was discovered that 75% started just to be “cool”. I’m here to say it isn’t.

Some of you who know me better know that my dad died 2 ½ years ago from lung cancer. He’d smoked cigarettes since he was a teenager. He was the coolest guy I’ve ever known. He never finished high school, but to me, he seemed to know everything. He was an expert at Trivial Pursuit and Bridge. When ever I had a question or didn’t understand something, I went to him. You may think smoking is cool now, but when my dad got sick, in his early 40’s, it didn’t seem so cool when he couldn’t even remember how to play cards. And there’s nothing cool about having to be fed through a syringe.

Even though now days it seems smoking is so common nobody thinks much of it, it can cause a problem in the workplace. Recent studies show that 32% of major companies have some kind of smoking policy. Carol Rian, a manager at a major corporation in Seattle, is hooked on cigarettes. She has two packs a day. But just recently smoking has been banned from her office. Since she doesn’t want to quit, her solution is simple. All she has to do is take the elevator from the top floor of a 32-story building all the way down and go outside for a smoke every time she gets a break, then go all the way back up when break’s over. As you can see, smoking can be inconvenient.

It’s really sad watching the lives of people you care about being destroyed by smoking. My cousin isn’t even 13, and she’s already hooked. Another girl I met in Minnesota told me she smokes as a means of slow suicide. There are thousands of kids like these who may think life is tough now, but when they get older, things may get better. But by that time they’re already addicted.

To let you know how hard it is to stop once you’re addicted, let me tell you a story about Dr. Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis. At 38, he was smoking 20 cigars a day. But when he acquired a heart ailment, his doctor ordered him to stop smoking. He was fine for seven weeks, but then he couldn’t fight off his body’s demand for tobacco any longer. So he resumed his smoking. When his heart condition got worse, he was again told to quit. So he compromised and had one cigar a week. Soon he began to dislike the taste and he quit altogether. But this story doesn’t have a happy ending. Just fourteen months later, he started again on one cigar a day. Then 2, then 20. By the time he was 55, he suffered such severe irregularities of the heart, that he often couldn’t work. At 67, cancer had developed in his jaw and he began the first of 33 operations. He was well aware that smoking was the cause of his illness and that he had a chance if he quit. Yet with all his intelligence, he couldn’t fight his addiction. With all his surgeries, he was forced to stop. But as soon as he was able to open his mouth again, he put a cigar in it. Up until the day he died, he still smoked, even when he could barely talk, and had trouble eating and swallowing. He’s not the only one out there who seemed unable to stop. President Ulysses S. Grant lived an almost identical story. And Mark Twain once wrote, “It isn’t difficult to quit smoking. I’ve done it hundreds of times.”

But it is possible to stop. I think if they had the support groups and treatment centers they have now days, Sigmund Freud and Ulysses S. Grant and Mark Twain would have been able to stop. And now that we do have these support groups and treatment centers, we can stop. I know. My dad stopped as soon as he heard he had cancer.

I hope that by what I have told you today, I have convinced those of you who haven’t started not to, and those of you who have, to quit. Because you’re not only affecting your life, but the lives of your friends, family, and future children.

4 March 1987

Name: Jolie
Mother: Jeanne
Father: Dead
Age: 15 years old
City: Springfield
Continent: United States; North America; Earth; Milky Way

# of brothers and sisters: eight
Brothers & Sisters in order of age:
1. Barbara – 24
2. Jack – 22
3. Jarrett – 21
4. Jeff – 18
5. Debbie (Deborah) – 17
       ME
6. Angie (Angela) – 12
7. Joey (Joseph) – 11
8. Susie (Susana) – 7

School: Lincoln Junior High School for 7th, 8th, and 9th graders
Sex: Female
Eye Color: Cross between green and blue, mostly green
Hair color: Brown
Features of face: Wears metal-rimmed glasses, freckles, no or very little pimples, pierced ears, right earlobe dents up a little as if ear was once injured and is now healed, oily skin on nose and around eyes, small chip in the right tooth of two front teeth, no braces on teeth, definite cheekbones, lips are usually chapped, normal chin, small “bump” in upper part of nose (hereditary), small spot on right side of forehead where she was hit by a horse’s hoof at a young age of about five that wrinkles a little and may look lighter than the rest of her skin, one dark freckle on right upper cheek

Her sister, Barbara, is married to Bob and is expecting a baby in June of 1987. They previously live in a rented home right behind 7-11 on Jefferson Street of Springfield.

Her brother, Jack, is previously in the Army and she has only seen him once since he joined.

Her brother, Jarrett, previously lives in Minnesota, supposedly in Minneapolis, and she barely heres from him, but she believes he is doing badly.

Her brother, Jeff, is previously attending the University and she sees him approximately every two weeks, she believes he is doing alright, is believed to be honest, kind, and thoughtful, lives on campus.

Her sister, Debbie, is previously attending High School as a junior, gets very good grades, can be very nice, but does not have very much respect for her mother, lives at home.

Her sister, Angela, is very likeable at times and may have very good qualities, but at times allows herself to be “naughty” and, at times, cruel, lives at home, previously attends St. Bart’s Elementary School, a parochial school for kindergarteners to eighth-graders, but is planning on changing in 2 years to only educating K-5.

Her brother, Joey, is a very pesky brother at times, but is capable of making a person like him despite his TERRIBLE temper in which he yells Loudly and throws several things, as well as swearing and “beating people up,” is previously in the 5th grade at St. Bart’s where his slightly older sister (Angie) is in the 7th grade, is very impatient and may be tantalized very easily, lives at home (unfortunately.)

Her sister, Susie, is previously attending St. Bart’s as well in the 1st grade, has long blonde hair and blue eyes, but takes advantage of her beauty with her terrible habit of picking sores, can be made upset very easily but does not have a temper like her brother Joey.

3 October 1986

“My Greatest Fear”

My greatest fear is discovering I have cancer. I know it is a slow way of dying if it isn’t discovered soon enough. There would be hospital expenses my family couldn’t afford. My family – especially my mom – wouldn’t be able to cope after my dad suffered with cancer. I know some kinds make you slowly lose control of your memory & your physical parts. You would have to depend on others all the time. You would have a constant feeling of humility. You would feel you were a burdon on your loved ones & friends. In the later stages, you might slip in a coma where you could understand what people were saying, but couldn’t respond. I think these are good enough reasons for fearing cancer.

6 May 1986

“Retreat Evaluation”

In Fr Bill’s conference, we discussed what we thought of terrorism and the bombing on Libya by the U.S. We talked about the way the Church used to be and changes that we thought there should be in the church. I learned that there can be a good side to the bombing, that there has been a lot of unknown (to me) changes in the Church already, and a little bit of what it’s like for Fr Bill to have to get up there every mass. It can help me to relieve my boredom in mass by thinking what Fr Bill might feel like at the altar.

In Sr Teresa’s Conference, we discussed what it takes to have a friendship and we listened to “Greatest Love of All” on a record. I learned that you need certain things like trust and expectations to have a good friendship. This will help me in the future when I want to start a new friendship.

In “Flowers Are Like People,” we learned the similarities between flowers and people. I learned how people can change and grow like flowers if they only have a drop of hope to start them off and plenty of love shining on them. This can help me when I have a problem because I can relate it to a flower and see what a flower would do. In the prayer-writing we went off seperately and wrote prayers about whatever we wanted to God. I learned how caring our class can be by listening to their prayers. It can help me because I won’t look at them as just the people I see at school, but also caring people, so I won’t look on them as terrible or inferior.

In the letter I received from my mom, she told me what her day was like when I was born. I learned that I got really sick at first, and that she wouldn’t go to the hospital until my dad got home from work. This will help me realize, when I think about not doing a job she told me to do or complaining about it, how much she loves me and that complaining will just make her sad.

The best parts of the retreat was the letters from our parents and the prayers we wrote. I reacted to the liturgy by getting a feeling of specialness about it (uniqueness) since it was different from any other mass. The letters from the parents should definitely be kept. I think the prayers and the hikes in the woods should be kept, too. I think there should be a time when the class sits together and talks alone.

24 February 1986

“Becoming Real”

What Margery Williams [in The Velveteen Rabbit] was trying to teach was that no matter how poor or how old you look, you can still be loved for what you are and when you are loved, how you look doesn’t matter so much to you anymore.

Yes, my dad made me feel real. This happened while he was sick and he gave me a hug. It was the last hug he gave me.

I’ve felt the absence of my dad a lot of times as well as my cousin. This usually happens when I have a day that seems to make up for all my good days. Or when I feel lonely and that nobody cares.

I don’t know if I ever helped someone become “real” because people are real good at hiding their feelings. I don’t think I have, though. I think my family would miss me if I died or were missing for a long time, but if I went for a trip I don’t think they’d miss me. Even if I went on a long trip for a year with relatives, because they are probably used to being without someone they know because lately (in the last 3 years) a lot of close friends and relatives have either died or went away.

 

9 September 1985

“Turning Points”

The turning point in my cousins’ lives is when their sister died in a truck accident. The difference it made is that now they are a lot nicer and prepared.

A turning point in Miss Meyer’s life is when she took this job as principal. The difference it made is that she knows what it’s like in a small, christian school and she knows a lot of kids.

One turning point is when my dad got sick. The difference it made is I did a lot of praying and learned a lot about what God wants and expects.

Another turning point is when my sister Susie was born. The difference is that I was finally old enough to remember when she was born in future years and I was old enough to help take care of her.

A third turning point in my life is around when I turned 13. I started maturing and didn’t act like a baby anymore (or a little kid).

 

4 September 1985

The following things are all things which I value greatly in life: Mom, sisters, brothers, God, puppies, friends, Grandma, Father Bill, dreams, the promise of eternity in Heaven, cousins, privacy, freedom.

My prioritized list of 10 values is (in order):
1. God
2. the promise of eternity in Heaven
3. Mom
4. sisters
5. brothers
6. cousins
7. friends
8. Grandma
9. dreams
10. puppies

Why do I value the things listed so much? I value the things I have listed so much because everyday or night they are in my thoughts.

I value God most because He has done more for me than most people could imagine. My dad’s death has brought us extremely close. The promise of eternity in Heaven was given to my mom for our whole family by Jesus (which makes it important) through the gift of tongues (hard to believe, but true).

My sisters & brothers are important because I’ve lived and grown with them my whole life. My friends are important because they care about me and they’re people my own age I can talk to. My cousins have more value to me than my friends I decided because they are the ones that really care deeply about me and are never afraid to comfort me or give me a hug.

My grandma is important because I feel a part of me belongs to her and she understands more than people would think she would.

My dreams are like wonderful movies I see on T.V., except they’re free and don’t take up any valuable time. Stories have always fascinated me and the best thing about these stories are that I’m in them.

Last of all the puppies are important to me because I have had two dogs which I loved dearly get killed (which brought me closer already) and because puppies are my favorite types of pets. These puppies I have known since they were very little and mothered them right away since they came. Now they follow me like a parent.